You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
