if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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