you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
