The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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