just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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