I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
