The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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