2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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