who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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