the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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