I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
