My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
