Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
