More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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