3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
