No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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