Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i dont even know how to be here
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
