i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
