I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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