he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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