I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
