I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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