If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
