I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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