Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
