just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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