you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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