sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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