didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
