Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
