the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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