I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
