Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
