Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
