So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dick very happy bro
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
