i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
