I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize