I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
