Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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