Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
