can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
