That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
