Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
