tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
