you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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