I think my vagina is haunted
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
