got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize