Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
