While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Randomize
