i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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