Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
