ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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