found the other keg... it's in the tree
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
