Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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