I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
