Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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