i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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