i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
