Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
