the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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