So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's official drugs can't kill me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
