the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
