Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
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