May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
