Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
