it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize