I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
