I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize