It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
