Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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