I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
