i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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