he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
