I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
