Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
