It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
