Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
