oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
