Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
