those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
